Hope in the Mess

I was writing about the song "Need You Now" by Plumb. I was listening to it over and over again while I was writing and my kids were eating lunch. My two-days-away-from-being-nine-year-old kept coming and listening with me. Then he started asking me to play "Warn." After about a dozen listen-throughs, I was finally had everything out, and they had lunch finished. Together, we tried to find his song. Oddly enough, if you type "warn" into youtube, there are about a jillion hits. 

Eventually, he thought of a line from the song. And I was mis-hearing him. The song is "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North. They have two official versions published on youtube.
music video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zulKcYItKIA 
with lyrics http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUEy8nZvpdM

This is one of the songs during which I've hit "replay," laid down on the floor, closed my eyes, and let my soul cry out to the Lord. Yes, I pray through songs. I figure if He understands groans, then He ought to understand sobbing during a song. (In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. Romans 8:26-27) 

This is another song that hits my heart in the middle of my mess. When it seems like the yuck in my life is never going to go away, this song becomes my prayer. Crying out to God from the very end of my being, when I'm at the bottom of my bucket, when there is nothing left. This songs wells up a place of utter exhaustion and hopelessness. 

Not in a whiny, complainy way. Because this song is also seeking a glimmer of hope. God, please just show me that there is something good in the future, that this isn't all that my life will be about.

Whether it's a struggle with sin in my life, a recurring argument with my husband, or the daily grind of little kids...I've been in this place of exhaustion...many times. This isn't necessarily a prayer asking for the trial/pain/sin to go away, this is about asking for just a glimpse of the good that God promises will come from it. (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28) There is redemption, the struggle will end, there is healing for my heart, something rises from the ashes, the dead can be reborn. God is a crazy God of new life! This thing (whatever it is) that's plagueing me...there's hope when I'm in God's hands. 

And when I see that...that little glimpse of hope...then I can get up today...I can change that diaper...I can try again with my husband...I can address the sin in my life...this ISN'T all there is. There is something more beautiful and more meaningful that God has for my life. What if I asked, not just for a glimmer of hope...what if I asked "heaven come and flood my eyes" What if I could see even more clearly the beauty and meaning in my mess?