Teaching our Kids to be Responsible

A friend asked me if I had any ideas for teaching kids about responsibility. I think she asked me because we have fairly high expectations for our children, and I'm always trying out a new chore chart idea. :) I think she was looking for a list of things that kids are capable of at different ages. But my mind has gone somewhere else with these thoughts of responsibility. But if that's what you're looking for, I'll have a few resources at the end!

To preface all of this, I have five kids. Zachary (8), Quinlan (7), Veronica (5), Eleanor (3), Roselyn (2). We homeschool. That means that they are home all day, making messes. This family only functions when we are all working together. Otherwise I would go insane being responsible for everything. I need to delegate some areas of responsibility to my children. For kids in an away from home school setting, there may be things you would adjust so that you could spend fun family time with them rather than an afternoon full of chores. The principles are the same, the amount of time you spend on something like household tasks would be different than they are for my kids.

Your kids know more than you think they do.
They really do. Even before my kids can talk, they're speaking volumes with their eyes. There little minds are already working out ways that they can throw the blocks across the room instead of putting them in their bucket. Age appropriate tasks and responsibilities may be more and bigger things than you are currently thinking.

Real work challenges kids. It makes them feel valued, important, and part of the family. For example, when our toddlers can walk and carry things at the same time they become responsible for putting their dishes in the dishwasher. Along with this goes a phrase I heard when my oldest was still an infant. This has been the guiding principle for teaching our kids household jobs "The youngest person capable of performing a tasks should be responsible for doing it." From something as simple as putting dishes in the dishwasher for a tot to my seven and eight year old boys having complete responsibility for their own laundry- if they are capable, it's theirs.

And this doesn't just go for household jobs, this also applies to behaviors. My two year old knows she shouldn't throw her toys. That means she needs to accept responsibility for the consequences of her behavior. Whether that's discipline for disobedience, or apologizing when someone gets hit in the head.

Expect great things from them.
This is a continuation of the previous point. Give your kids REAL responsibility. Allow them to feel the consequences (positive and negative) of things you've placed into their realm of responsibility. Allow your four year old to make the mashed potatoes and thank her for it while you're eating dinner. When my boys first took on the full responsibility for their own laundry, I allowed them to run out of underwear (on a day we were staying home).

If you give them a job to do, let them do it their way. And don't follow behind redoing it (In the spirit of full disclosure, I do rearrange the dishes to make sure they are facing the right directions. I do not tidy anyone's clothes that they put away.) which leads us to...

It won't be perfect.
When they are first learning how to do something, it's not going to be done as well as if you were doing it yourself. Accept it. Let it be. Some jobs may need to be done more frequently. For example, cleaning the bathrooms is a daily job in our home, simply because it's not really done very well. I could do the job, do it well, and do it once a week. But I choose to accept the job at the quality that my children are capable of and allow them to clean their bathroom their way. I figure that over the course of a week, every spot will be cleaned at least once or twice :)

Start with the end in mind.
As they learn and grow, expect more. A two year can say "I'm sorry" A three year old can say "I'm sorry for___." And a five year old can say "I'm sorry for ____, will you forgive me?" There's a progression for just about anything you want to grow into your children. How do you want your teenagers and adult children to respond and behave? Start now.

Own your stuff.
"Who was supposed to____?" Is a common question in our house. There's no hiding, the kids need to own up to a job poorly done. Try not to blow up when you see that your kids aren't doing/behaving the way you want them to. Whether it's how well the table was wiped off, or an angry response when wronged...let them feel the weight of it, then help them grow into it.

We also have a "no paybacks" rule in effect. It's important to understand what's not your responsibility. It's not my child's responsibility to make sure his sister receives punishment for a wrong she has committed. He needs to bring that to me and trust that I will take care of it. Later on in life, he'll have plenty of things that He'll need to place in God's hands. Practicing that now, will help my kids out a lot.

I also think that allowing your children time for free play allows them to grow into this. Learning how to take care of conflict is a huge lesson that will be with them forever. 

Practical Help
Montessori- I don't know much about this school of learning, what I do know is that they encourage putting things on kids levels and making things easier for kids all around. For our family it looks like plastic dishes, short coat hooks, baskets and bins (instead of shelves), and vinegar water (instead of chemical sprays)-things that make it easier for them to perform the tasks you're asking of them.

Chore Charts/Reward Systems- There are as many of these as there are families in the world. I would like to caution you that a chore chart isn't going to teach your children responsibility. It will provide accountability as you go, though. You can purchase one, you can make. I recommend Pinterest as a great resource for some inspiration.

Age appropriate-ness- This also is as individual as each family. I would challenge to pray and consider where each child is at. Here's a chart that was pinned on pinterest. And here's a book that I reference yearly to see how we're doing.

Circles or Responsibility- I had all of these things in mind, then this weekend I learned about these circles. Understanding responsibility- those I've taken myself compared to those actually assigned to me by God, is already a huge benefit to my life. I haven't yet read this book, but it comes highly recommended by some folks I really trust and respect.


This is a pretty long post. If you've made it this far, I hope that there's something in here that you can apply to your own family life. And is there anything I've missed? What other components of responsibility should we be building into our children? What are some practical helps that you've found useful?

Crayon + Dryer = One Big Mess

What a crazy morning. I woke up with good intentions. Made my to-do list and filled in a schedule. At breakfast the kids were all on board with getting a few things done so we could make a trip to the library and the store. Then we went upstairs and I started unloading the dryer. What's this? Red stuff all over the laundry! A crayon went through the wash! Now the inside of my dryer is pink and a whole load of clothes is pink and red spotted. There went my plans for the day!

I spent some time this morning inside my dryer with a Magic Eraser. I got most of it out. I'm trying a concoction I found on this website http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf001203.tip.html to get the crayon out of the clothes. Hopefully, everything will turn out well. Life with my kids is never boring!

Update: The "recipe" I used got all the pink tinge out of the clothes, and faded most of the spots after soaking for a day. However, some of the worst spots (mostly on white parts) are still there. Now we're down to a hand full of ruined clothes instead of a whole load!

They've played a lot more today than they usually do because of this unexpected turn. Here's one funny story. I'm not sure what they were playing- maybe zoo keeper or some such thing (at least I hope so!)

Veronica- I have to go potty.

Zachary- You can just go in there. (as I bonk my head on the top of the dryer)

Veronica- No, I have to go for real.

Zachary- Well, let's see, if you have to go for real you can...

Mama- If she has to go for real, she can go in the potty chair!

Zachary- Oh yeah.

Lifestyle Logic

I did it! I started a new blog. It will be devoted to sharing my best tips and tricks for saving money, making money, or making the most of what you've got. I'm looking forward to having an outlet for all the stuff I talk about incessently! Come check it out!

http://lifestylelogic.blogspot.com/

Meals on a Real Budget

Last night at dinner I looked at our fully laden table and did a quick calculation. The cost of our meal (for our family of six) was $2. Granted, some of the items we had recieved for free, but if we had paid for them, the cost of the meal may have reached $4. It always frustrates me when I look at cookbooks or search recipes online because their meals on a budget and my meals on the budget are not the same!

Our groceries budget for two adults and four children is $175/month. I hear about folks struggling to make it on triple that amount for a similar sized family! Again, some of our food we recieve for free- about $50/month worth. Adding that together brings our monthly total to $225.

How do we do it? I'm not really sure. I don't coupon all that much, my kids don't complain of being hungry all the time, and we even eat meat every night. I've come to the conclusion that it may be time to start sharing some of our life in this area with the world at large. Maybe some of you have some cheap meal ideas that we would appreciate trying out. Let me know what they are! For now, here's the menu from our meal last night, including approximate retail prices:

Scrambled Eggs (1 doz eggs @ .75)

Turkey Sausage, browned (1 lb, on sale @ 1.00)

Shredded Cheese (.25 lb, @ .75)

Cherry Tomatoes (garden= free!)

English muffins (from discount store 1/2 pkg @ .50)

Juice (1 can @ 1.00)

Corn Bread (1/2 pan leftovers about .50)

Apple Sauce (canned from last year= free)

smell of parenting

I could tell you about my morning. Let's just say that I was focusing my time and efforts on the non-essentials today instead of grabbing my children's hearts. I ran across this article while reading some blogs online after lunch. It's too good to keep to myself, so I have to share it.

http://www.premeditatedparenting.net/93_the_smell_of_parenting.htm

I pray that the Lord will show me each day what is good and right and holy. That spending my time and energy training my children's character and guiding their hearts into right relationships is more important than finishing workbook pages or getting all the dishes put away. I pray that He will open my eyes to the teachable moments in their lives and close my eyes to my to do list. And I pray that where ever you are at today, that the Lord will meet you and take your hand and lead you a little closer to Him.

All For a Smartie

Today after breakfast I sent Zachary in to clean the bathroom. It takes him forty-five minutes, and I could do a better job, but if he does it every day it stinks less and he'll get better at it. Anyways, I headed upstairs with the other kids and Veronica went potty! It was so exciting and she got a smartie. The boys wanted a smartie, too, but we don'e just pass the candy out in our hosue. So Zachary offered to clean all three of the bathrooms and Quinlan stripped and remade the beds. I had the majority of our jobs done for the day and all I had to do was raid the Hallween candy! I still have the rest of the package in my pocket...I wonder what else we can get done today for a smartie?