Growing Up Is Hard To Do (For Mama)

When I had smaller children, and only smaller children, people would look at me, half smile and say something like, "enjoy this time, they grow up so fast." I appreciate the gentleness in the little old ladies voices, the urgency to make the most of where we were at, I heard the hint of regret...but that didn't keep me from wanting to punch them.

And then it happened. My baby grew up.

We went from this...squalling child who smelled perpetually like sour milk...

To this...a grinning eleven year old who smells perpetually like stinky boy...

I blinked.

He's still a goofy, wild, childish boy who sneaks ice cream. But there are glimpses of the mature, responsible man he's becoming.

A couple of weeks ago he and I spent a week at Boy Scout Camp. It was a beautiful week. I learned a lot about knot tying and fire making...he did, too :) One activity he participated in was the Penguin Club. they met at the lake at 6 AM, and got in up to their shoulders for fifteen minutes. Doing that four out of the five days meant you earned a patch. None of the other boys went with him, so I got the pleasure of calling into his tent at 5:30, and walking him down to the lake. It wasn't too bad. We got to experience great mornings like this one. Yes, it was cold. Yes, that's the moon. But he did it. He got up at the sound of my voice, got himself ready for the day and made the plunge into the chilly lake for four straight days.

But I wasn't sure about that last day. The night before we had a late night and just when he was getting ready to head to his tent (about 10:45) they pulled out the s'mores. So back he came. I reminded him of the penguin club, told him if he wouldn't wake up when I called for him, it would not be my fault he didn't make it to his fourth day. And then I said no more. "This will be a learning experience," I thought. And I was the one who learned just who grown up and sweet my baby boy had become. He ate his s'more, I was chatting with other parents/leaders and he quietly came up beside me. "Mama, I'm going to bed now. This is for you." And he handed me one of the rectangles from his s'more. He had saved it to share with me. I got a little teary eyed.

There are days I wonder about this job we're doing as parents. Days I blow it and lose my temper, days I just don't care if they play on the ipad or watch movies all day. Days that I feel like we're doing everything wrong and screwing these kids up.

And then there are days that I believe that God is in control. That He loves them more than I do and will do anything for them. Days that I truly believe that because of Him and His love and grace they are firmly in His hand and will turn out ok. Days like the above that give me hope for the future and show me that they're already turning out just fine.

Loving Other People's Children

So, I'm doing a Bible study with some ladies from my church. Actually, we're reading a book together (based on Titus 2). I try to look up the verses, as well. But, you know. Anyways, after each week I walk away thinking that I'm not done with the conversation. But our last discussion has been with me, especially since I didn't feel like we had gotten through all the practicals.

You see, the title of the chapter was "Loving Your Children" and out of the fifteen or more women who were there, only five of us were moms. So where does that leave everyone else? Looking forward to some nebulous future where they might have children? Some aren't even married, yet. How could they implement this in their lives today? We started talking about it, but by no means did we create a comprehensive list. So, since I've been thinking about it, I've decided to write all my thoughts down. Maybe then I can move on to the next chapter :) Without further ado, my thoughts on loving other people's children. I have other thoughts on helping out a new mom, that I'll post later. And please! Add your thoughts in the comments!

Teach Sunday school. This is a great way to get to know children. You can have a positive influence in their lives by doing this simple job. And it's also a great service to the parents, who tend to take the bulk of the teaching responsibilities.

Have real conversations. Don't just brush kids aside. Look them in the eye, get down on their level, and have a chat. This is hard if you're not comfortable around children, but it gets easier! Kids are just like everyone else- they love to talk about the things that interest them. Ask them what toys they played with today or about what they're learning in school. Have a couple of go-to questions to help you get started until it comes more naturally.

Play with them. Once you start getting to know the kids, they'll seek you out and might start viewing them as their friends. And what do kids do? They play! Little ones (under 5) will play peek a book or chase. Middle ones (elementary ages) like tag and wrestling. Older ones (teens) still like these things too, but they'd rather be "cool" with you.

Watch out for them. Don't let them get away with stuff. If you see a child doing something wrong- call them on it. Bring it to the attention of their parents.

Invite them over. Some things are more interesting when you have children underfoot. Invite some kids over to bake and decorate cookies, or for a fun craft project, or popcorn and a movie. I'm sure the parents will love it, too :)

Babysit. In the same vein, offer to take the kids so mom can have a free afternoon, or the couple can enjoy a date night.

Enjoy them. I found it extremely interesting that the "love" in Titus 2 referring to children is the "phileo" love of befriending them. What an eye opener! So, please, enjoy children. Whether they're yours or not.

Mom Tools

I went to the grocery store tonight. It was great only having the baby with me. Anyways, as I was packing my groceries, one particular bag caught my attention. I looked in and chuckled to myself when I saw what I had put together- diapers, espresso, and carpet cleaner. Yes, I'm a mom. Those are the tools of my trade. What essentials do you have for your life as a mom?

I Miss Ice Cream

My baby can't tolerate dairy. That means that I don't get to eat any. None. Not even the amount of dairy that's in  a seasoning packet of ramen noodles, or the amount of dairy that's in artificial flavorings in coke. It's been a long six months, but the end is in sight. Now, instead of vomitting all over me when I've had dairy, she just cries and wakes up in the middle of the night. Still not fun, but an improvement! I've been thinking about the things I miss most, and thought I would share.

I miss eating other people's food without having to ask, "what's in this?"
I miss ice cream.
I miss cheese on my pizza.
I miss chocolate.
I miss eating bread without reading the labels to find out which one is dairy-free.
I miss ice cream.
I miss butter.
I miss eating fancy food at weddings. (I had to trade my garlic/bacon mashed potatoes for my kids' french fries)
I miss ice cream.
I miss cheesecake.
I miss eating all the egg casseroles that are brought to MOPS.
I miss frosting. Wedding cake just isn't the same without it.
I miss using cream of mushroom soup- the soy substitute just isn't the same.
I miss ice cream.
I miss cream in my coffee.
I miss ice cream.

Eleanor started handling dairy better around nine months. Roselyn is currently seven months. I'm counting down. My hope is that I can eat whatever I want by Thanksgiving. Just in time to pack on a bunch of weight with the cheesy party potatoes, the french silk pie, the pink fluff, the artichoke spinach dip, before heading into Christmas season and eating all the fudge I want. I figure I deserve it after giving up ice cream for the summer.

Nap Time

My almost-two-year-old does not like being putting down for her naps. Now that she's getting more verbal she has also grown more sophisticated in her manipulation of me during our nap time routine. I stand by the crib and pat her back for a minute or two before lying her down. She used to point at the rocking chair, then progressed to verbalizing "rock me, rock me" Probably because once I sit down, the rocking and patting lasts a little bit longer. :)

Her language skills have continued to grow, and now she has enough skill to be able to ask for a song. A few minutes ago, I was rocking her before nap time and she was so tired that she was already falling asleep in my arms. I shifted so I could stand and move her to her bed and she opened her eyes and mumbled "Jesus Loves Me" in an obvious attempt to delay nap time (even though she was already asleep).

Yes, baby doll, Jesus does love you. I pray that each and every day you will grow in your understanding of just how much He loves you. I pray that as parents, we can model His love in way that is real and significant to your little life. I pray that His love will carry you through your teens and into adult hood. I pray that you will always find your love and satisfaction in Him and Him alone. Yes, Jesus loves you.

It's Gonna Be a Bright Sunshiney Day

I woke up one morning a couple of weeks ago, and we started right in on our morning routine- getting dressed, straightening up the bedroom, eating breakfast. As we ate our oatmeal, I realized that I felt "lighter" than I had been. The impending sense of doom was not present, and I was actually enjoying my time with my kids. I thought the sun must have returned and wondered if it would be warm enough for the kids to play outside later. It would be nice to see the sun again, it's been  along cold winter in more ways than one. We cleared our dishes and I started opening the blinds and I was completely shocked by what I saw. Where was the sun? It was a cold, gray, drizzly morning. Yet I was feeling refreshed and cheerful. What had happened to me?

After my last post things continued to spiral downwards. After what felt like a panic attack just thinking about leaving the house for our small group, I broke down completely while discussing who Greg would leave home with me while he and some of the kids left for the evening. They all ended up staying home, and I knew it was finally time to admit that there was no longer anything I could do to fix this myself. I called and made an appointment with my doctor and got in the next day. (This is hard enough to do in the best of circumstances, but that week he was even working half days only. God pulled some strings for me!)

I explained to him what had been going on and we talked about the factors involved. He then prescribed a vitamin supplement that has shown some promise. If after a week I didn't notice a change he gave me a sample prescription to try out. I started taking the vitamins on Saturday and the above story was from the following Wednesday morning. Just four days later and my emotions had stabilized and I had my life back.

When I called to make that appointment with the doctor, I felt like a complete and utter failure. Every song that came on the radio was about God helping those in need, people singing about lifting their eyes to the Lord, about how God is the only thing we need. Why wasn't He helping me? Why couldn't I find my strength in the Lord? What was wrong with ME? I still don't fully have the answers. What I do know is that our bodies are extremely complicated and I shouldn't pretend otherwise. The Lord has provided many ways for us to be helped, and more often than not, I've found that it involves humbling myself and accepting help from another person, rather than a supernatural event.

I'm looking forward to this week of warm weather and sunshine. But even if the the skies were going to be gray, I know that it's gonna be a bright day inside my heart.

The Black Hole

For the past two months I have felt like the world was closing in around me. A thick cloud of despair has been hanging over my head. I want to cry all the time, and often burst into tears for no reason. My feelings of being trapped and stuck have nothing to do with my circumstances. Sure it's hard having five kids and attempting to take care of them all and educate them, as well. But I know the feeling of being overwhelmed with the number of tasks on my plate, and this is not that. I am overwhelmed by my emotions regardless of the things that I have to do, or don't have to do.

I have no desire to get out and be with people (and I'm a major extrovert), I don't even have any desire to get out of my chair. And the only reason I'm not still in bed is because these four children seem to think they ought to have breakfast. I let them run off afterwards to whatever play they have in mind, so I can sit and do nothing. And be overwhelmed in it. 

In late January, my friend Audra over at Rediscovering Domesticity passed along a blog award. She had received it from Beyond Postpartum. As I was clicking through some of the blogs, I saw myself in many of the posts about Postpartum Depression. I also realized that Roselyn was over a month old, and I should hvae been out of the "baby blues" stage. I found a quiz online (I can't find the link today) and discovered that my symptoms fell in the moderate to severe range of PPD. Now what?

I spoke with my husband. That was hard. He's not an emotional or sensitive kind of guy. That's not normally an issue in our relationship, because I'm not really an emotional or sensitive kind of gal. So this has hit us hard. I find it difficult to talk about my emotions under normal circumstances, but now they have overwhelmed me and I don't have any words to describe them, and I have no reason for why they are there. I've done some searching online, and as I read more and more of the symptoms, I became more and more convinced that PPD is what has been happening to me. While it was nice to have a name for it, to know that I'm not crazy, that others have gone through this and things turned out quite well, I was clueless in how to address the issue. I wanted to DO something. I wanted to find joy in life again. 

The Bible study I'm going through with the ladies of my church has a line that has really struck me at the beginning of all of this "...you should have joy, and comfort, and life through believing in Him..." I had none of those. I have a wonderful family, great friends, lots of support, but I had no joy, no comfort, no life. How could I get those? Through believing in Him? I believe in Christ! I want those! 

After breaking my silence and talking with my husband about all that I was feeling, I was able to open myself up to a few women in my life. Women who would support me in prayer, women who would encourage me, women who loved me. I'm not sure how much talking about it helped, but I know the prayer support has been huge. I still didn't know what to do, didn't know where to turn, didn't know how to handle these emotions that weren't based in any circumstances, but people were praying for me, and God has been moving in my life. 

This week my MOPS group had a speaker on the "Black Hole" of motherhood- postpartum depression. I was so looking forward to her talk and hopeful that she would share some useful tips for me. The day before the meeting, one of my kids got sick and vomited. Not sure if she would be better or who else would get it, I had to stay home and not infect all the other families. And of course, everyone was fine that morning. As I sat in my chair, yet again, I wondered what she was sharing, I wondered what could help me overcome the despondancy that has overtaken my soul. I wondered why God had kept me home during the one talk that I was sure could help me. (I'm still not sure, we'll see if He makes that clear someday.) This past week had been better, but I knew I wasn't out of it, yet. And I wasn't sure WHY it was better. 

My mentor called that afternoon. She shared some great points that the speaker made. I wasn't interested in the statistics that she shared, but the treatments- getting my normal life back. That's what matters to me. She shared three things that help (besides drugs)- group therapy/support system, sleep, and just doing it. Finally! I have some of the answers I have been looking for. All of those things have been in my life. I have shared with a few and have more support in the last couple of weeks. Roselyn has been sleeping longer and longer stretches at night- up to eight hours at a time! And with all these others, I have had to get up and do the normal things of daily life, even if it was just going through the motions. I wondered if it was too late, though, since this week has been so much better, had I already made it through to the other side?

Nope. After Bible study this morning, I came home and was overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness and despair. Everything was crumbling around me. And there certainly wasn't a reason for it after such an uplifting time with such wonderful women. Our study this past week has been on Mary, the mother of Jesus, and how she was able to submit to the Lord in all things. I don't understand what He is doing in me right now, why He is allowing my emotions to be so unstable, what good can come of this? But I can look to Mary's response when she was in a difficult situation- "I am Yours, do as You will." I can trust, that even if I can't see the other side, even if I don't know what good can come, that He has a plan. He is good, and holy, and I can place my trust in Him. He makes no mistakes and the way I handle my life, and the situations that arise can bring Him great glory. He is allowing this and using it in my life to make me more like Christ. 

So, I don't know why exactly I'm writing this for the whole world to read. Except that in the writing of it, I can clarify my thoughts at least a little and find some healing. Looking back on the past two months, I can see that things are getting better and that hope and joy are slowly returning to me. I know that I'm not alone. I know that this is common among women. And there is no shame in admitting that it has struck me, and I am down. And more women need to talk about this, to share their struggles, to share what gets them through, to be a light on the other side for someone in the midst of it. Because, honestly, I know dozens of moms, but could not think of more than one or two who have been in this place. And statistically speaking, more of the moms I know have been in this same sinkhole. 

Here I am, hanging it all out there in hopes that someone can offer a little encouragement that this isn't how I will feel forever. That I will someday again have control over my mental stability. And a truth to hold onto from 2 Corinthians 1:5- As I share in the sufferings of Christ, I will also share in the blessings of Christ. 

Resolved

It's that time of year, well past that time of year, when we make resolutions. I was curious about the word resolution and found the definition here. Here's my conclusion: Resolution- Resolved- "to make a firm decision about." So resolutions aren't wishy washy things we hope for in the new year. Resolutions are something we're decided upon, we're firm about it, it's something we want and are seeking after. Can you even remember the resolutions you made last year? I can't. I guess I wasn't very firm about them.

One thing I have always struggled with and always seek to be better about is my daily time in the Word of God. I'm not very consistent. Oh, sure, I'll have weeks, even months, where I make the time to read and pray at least five times a week. But as soon as I struggle a little bit, it's gone and takes months and months to get back to it.

One of the most important "rules" of resolutions or goals is to have a specific plan. It's also important to have goals that are measurable. This year, I intend to read through a one-year Bible reading plan. (I'll be using a One Year Bible.) Last time I tried this it took two years (but I did it!). This time around, I've conned, um asked, a few friends into reading with me. We'll meet each week to share how God spoke to us through His Word. Specific and measurable. Great. Now how to make it work in my crazy life?

Reading the Bible in one year really only requires about fifteen minutes a day. But I need it to be quiet for those fifteen minutes and I have five kids. How do you get five little ones to sit quietly for fifteen minutes? The same way you get Mama to sit quietly for fifteen minutes- give them each a Bible! It's been really fun this week to see them each with their Bibles. I've asked them at the end what they learned, and the responses have been (mostly) great. After just a few days, they can sit quietly for about ten minutes. Usually, it's Eleanor that's trying to get up, but she's already doubled her time from the five minutes she did the first day. So, now my goal is for them to sit quietly for thirty minutes, and I might get some praying and journaling in, too!

What are you resovled to improve upon this year? How are you going to make it specific and measurable? How are you going to make it work in your life? I'm excited to hear from you!

Meet Roselyn

Every birth story is a little different. Even having had all of my children via c-section, things are a little bit different each time. I think that the only things that have been the same for us is that we've had the same surgeon and all of my kids have been born on Tuesday.

This Tuesday started out a little differently, since we were scheduled for a noon baby. We enjoyed a couple of hours at home with the other kids before heading off. Once we got there, things were pretty similar in the prep department. We had a wonderful nurse working with us and we knew what to expect at each step of the way. It's still amazes me that there are three doctors, an anesthesiologist, and half a dozen or so nurses all devoted to caring for me and my baby!

When Roselyn was born they brought her over to the warmer and cleaned her up. I got to keep my glasses, so I could see what was going on this time around. She did not like being out in the cold and cried a lot. She weighed a mere 5 pounds 15 ounces and was 18 3/4 inches long.

When I was done in the delivery room they wheeled me over to recovery, just like normal. But this time, baby got to come with me! In the past they have used this time to take baby to the nursery and get it all cleaned up. This time I got to cuddle with my baby and they did the washing up right there in recovery. It wasn't until we were in there than anybody asked us what her name was. Two minutes later the lab tech came in to do her first blood poke, and her name was Roselyn, too! I was worried that this baby would cry all the time. I'd never spent those first couple hours with my babies before and did not realize how much crying they did! She got it all out of her system and hasn't really cried since. Well, unless we're changing her. It's cold with no pants on!

My room was very nice, but a little small when all the kids came for a visit! Apparently when they were getting ready to leave, they told Eleanor they were going to see the new baby and she said, "no, puppy." I think she's glad for the baby now, though! She is convinced that Roselyn needs all of her blankies and toys at all times. The boys love holding her and touching her soft skin. I'm still not sure what Veronica thinks. Mostly, everyone is still excited about Grandma being here to take care of them and having all this snow and Christmas, too. What a busy week it's been at our house!

I wanted very much to come home on Christmas Eve (one day before regular discharge after a c-section). That's always been the time for our family to read from the Bible and open our stockings. Because we went into the week planning to push my recovery and discharge date, we were ready to go before the blizzard made the roads impassable. Praise the Lord! We had a wonderful evening with Greg reading from the Word and the kids acting out the story with the nativity set. They all got sleeping bags under the tree and had a slumber party in their bedroom. Sweet memories.

The most difficult part of the process was trying to get my pain meds. We stopped at the pharmacy on the way home and dropped the prescription off. They told us fifteen minutes. We figured Greg would pick it up when he took the kids to the Christmas Eve service a couple hours later. When that was cancelled due to weather, he headed out to get it then. Unfortunately, they did not tell us that they were closing one hour after we dropped the prescription off and he arrived a few minutes too late. I was devastated! The prescription could not be picked up at another location or called in to another pharmacy. We called the hospital, and the nurse wasn't sure what to do, either. Thankfully, the doctor was able to call in a prescription for a different pain reliever and Greg braved the snowy weather to head to an open pharmacy. Thanks to my wonderful husband, I had drugs on Chirstmas Day :) There was enough in the bottle to get through the blizzard until our original pharmacy opened. My husband was even willing to walk down there for me, but the main streets were plowed by then, too.

The Lord has truly been gracious to us. Other things have progressed extremely well this time around. All of our babies have had some jaundice that required extra attention, but no light therapy. Roselyn is a great eater helping to flush all that bilirubin out, and we've even been able to avoid any extra pokes! Usually my post-op swelling has me sitting in a chair with ice on my feet, but this time it's been practically non-existent. My pain has been fairly managable, too. And last night, Roselyn slept for six hours! What more could a Mama ask for a week after delivery?

Thank you, Lord, for a wonderful new baby. You have truly blessed our family with Roselyn's presence. We pray that she will grow into a compassionate woman who loves You above and beyond all else and serves You out of a grateful heart. We pray that we can be the kind of parents You desire us to be and that we will turn to You for wisdom and guidance each and every step of the way. What an adventure parenting is!

Affirming My Priorities

This morning I woke up and took a look at the huge to do list I had compiled last night. It's actually enough for us to get done in a whole week, but somehow I thought that we could accomplish it all in one day-today! Yesterday's to do list got scrapped when I decided to rearrange the living room (why do I always do that when I'm six months pregnant?) My patience was gone most of the day as the kids' energy for the project fizzled away rather quickly.

At breakfast we talked about what we're doing today, and of course the whining and complaining has already started. I sent them all upstairs to finish their morning routine and get ready to start the school day. I sat down with my cup of coffee and skimmed a few blogs. I ran across this article, that I too have received in an e-mail forward. I can not credit the original source, but read it again this morning here.

It's a reminder to all of us that the work we do as moms may not be the most glamorous, we may never see the finished product. My role as a mom is a sacrificial one that garners praise from no man. But my God sees. He sees, He approves, He loves. My day has been re-focused. I have an eternal perspective back in my heart and mind. My little ones will get a Mama who still has a to do list, but whose focus and energy is set upon building up their little hearts and minds to love the Lord and love each other.

And since I know I'm not the only Mommy out there who needs a little lift today, here's the article for your enjoyment:

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; "The Invisible Mom."

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, and she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down
at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

How Do You Do It?

I have four children- 6, 5, 3, and 16 mos. Oh yeah, there's a new one coming in December, too! I often get comments about my children- how many we have, how close they are together, the fact that we homeschool. The comment I hear most often is "how do you do it?" Usually followed by "I wouldn't have the patience." Well, quite honestly, I don't have the patience, either!

I've written more over at my other blog: http://lifestylelogic.blogspot.com/2009/10/how-do-you-do-it.html Come on over and leave a comment about how you get through your day!

Encouragement for a Young Mom's Heart

I sat around a table with some new friends this past Thursday. Yup, that's right, it was our first MOPS meeting of the year. My group is a great group of ladies I'm really looking forward to getting to know.

MOPS has been such an encouragement to me through these early stages of mothering. When I was a mommy with a brand new baby, I had the cleanest house ever and I was desperate for adult interaction. When I had my second baby, the first was only 18 mos old. I cried a lot during that stage, and had wonderful moms surrounding me offering help and encouragement. Even though I have "lots" of kids, it's getting easier as they get older and can take some responsibility for themselves. I have had the opportunity to serve my MOPS group and help make it a place of support and encouragement for other moms.

This first meeting is always a great one. We get to hear from our Mentor Mom and meet our groups. It's always a refreshing meeting and sets a great tone for our year together. She posed a question to our tables that has had me thinking for a couple of days. "What encourages you in your mothering?"

We had many answers at our table, including the things that I mentioned above about my earliest experiences as a mom. But as I was thinking about it, I realized that now that my kids are "older" (the oldest is six!) there's a new encouragement. It comes from watching my children do what I've trained them to do. To take responsibility for themselves and others around them, to choose the right thing whether I'm watching or not. Now, don't read too much into this, they are still rambunctious little kids...but occaissionally one of them will display the kind of character we desire to be built into their lives and it helps me to see that we aren't completely failing at this paraenting thing.

Right now, the kids and I are visiting family in Minnesota. We're a big enough family now, that we're staying at a hotel. Our first morning here, the kids were so excited to be able to choose their own breakfast from the assortment laid out before them. Things that we don't eat at home- like fruit loops and donuts! My kids were doing a great job sitting at the table, not screaming or running around. I was pleased. Especially because other guests were using the breakfast room at the same time as us! One of the gentlemen said something to me as he left, and it made my heart smile the rest of the day. He simply turned to us on his way out and said, "You're doing a great job, mom."

Being a mom is a job that doesn't get a lot of praise. At least not until your kids have kids and they realize all that went into it! When somebody, even a stranger, acknowledges the hard work and labor that I am doing as a mother, my soul is rejuvinated. I was reminded of a time in Hobby Lobby when a similar instance occured- three years ago! Well, really this was when my boys had been misbehaving, and tipped over the cart with their baby sister in it. Instead of yelling and condeming, the Lord helped me talk calmly to them as I comforted the baby. Afterwards, a lady came up and told me that she appreciated how I handled the situation- so different than what she had typically seen from mothers in stores. I was encouraged by her comments to continue striving for the right attitude when speaking to my children. Not only does it produce the proper results in our family, but it's a great witness to others around us.

So, next time you see a young mom, take a moment and share with her a word of encouragement. It hardly takes any of your own time, and will give her the fortitude to continue on through the many challenges that will face her that day. And it might even bring a smile to her heart next week or next year.

smell of parenting

I could tell you about my morning. Let's just say that I was focusing my time and efforts on the non-essentials today instead of grabbing my children's hearts. I ran across this article while reading some blogs online after lunch. It's too good to keep to myself, so I have to share it.

http://www.premeditatedparenting.net/93_the_smell_of_parenting.htm

I pray that the Lord will show me each day what is good and right and holy. That spending my time and energy training my children's character and guiding their hearts into right relationships is more important than finishing workbook pages or getting all the dishes put away. I pray that He will open my eyes to the teachable moments in their lives and close my eyes to my to do list. And I pray that where ever you are at today, that the Lord will meet you and take your hand and lead you a little closer to Him.

Who's in Charge?

The set up:
Today I'm watching a friend's two little girls. One is 2 1/2 and the other is about 15 mos. The younger girl cries most of the time she's at my house every time I watch her. Today I decided I am in charge. I decided to actively pursue getting this child to not cry and fuss about everything.

The big scene:
After lunch she needed a diaper change, so I pulled out her things and called her over to me. She actually shook her head no! I walked her through it and tried again. After some training and some practice, she came with a minimum amount of fuss. A couple hours later, she now comes to me without crying at all. In fact, she obeys my every command without even a wrinkle of her brow. She has been more cheerful and playful the last two hours than she has ever been in my home.

The conclusion:
I knew that would happen. I was only surprised that it only took about ten minutes. My kids take a whole afternoon and we don't get the cheerful part until the next day! What I'm surprised about is my own attitude. I have LOVED being a mom today! Even with the extra kiddos! Greg has been challenging me to be more consistent with my follow through with the kids. He's convinced that this will ease my constant irritation with them. Now God has shown me that he's right! (I should have listened to my husband in the first place.)

When I provide boundaries for the children, they are secure and controlled. They know where the line is, they know what the consequences are and they are happier for them. What I have learned today is that when I provide boundaries for the children, I am secure and controlled. Their disobedience is not a reflection upon me or my mothering skills. I need to train my children to choose the right thing and providing consistency in the negative consequences will make all of us happier.

Funny Things Kids Say

Several weeks ago I was sitting in the entryway at church with Veronica. One of the guys needed to walk through several times and would stop and play with Veronica each time he passed. After one interaction, this is the conversation that followed:

Veronica: "Mama, why does he DO that?"
Me: "Well, he doesn't have kids, yet, so when he sees you he likes to play with you. It's fun playing with kids."
Veronica: "What happened?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Veronica: "Did he kill them?"

I promise, she's never watched an episode of CSI!

This morning Greg and a couple friends are fishing (yes, in the rain). When one of them came over, Zachary answered the door. Apparently there was a little action and here's what he told me:

Zachary: "When I opened the door a cockroach tried to get in. Josh tried to kick it outside, but it wouldn't go. So I picked it up, threw it outside, shut the door and locked it!"
Me (thinking): "It sure is a good thing you locked the door, so that cockroach won't just open it!"

I know there are many more such conversations, but these two have me chuckling today.

Lesson From Potty Training

"The low points in motherhood are potty training and driver's training."

I think that my friend's mom has it right. At least the potty training part. (Thankfully, Zachary's not old enough to learn how to drive!) There are so many theories and methods for potty training a mom could get lost. I would love to do infant potty training, but for some reason we've never really given it a go. I just read another article about it that made me wonder if Eleanor is still little enough to try it with.

When I was first gathering information about potty training Zachary I asked a friend who has many kids what to do. She wasn't really sure. I thought that was funny considering she had five or six kids who seemed to be pottying by themselves! Now I understand what she meant. I have three kids who are pretty much trained, and I don't feel like anything I did made a difference at all.

Zachary took forever, and then suddenly was trained after being pretty sick soon after he turned three. Quinlan got trained on accident in less than two days two months after he turned two. I was quite hopeful when I had heard that girls are easier. But Veronica has taken Zachary's path of foreverness and is only just now going potty consistently. Of course, with each of these, there's a longer story!

It seems that no matter what I do or try, this is something that is out of my hands. If I needed yet another reminder that I don't have control over anything, I think this would be it. God has taken everything in my life and used it to show me over and over again that He is in control and I'm just along for the ride. No matter how hard I try to make my will happen, God's will is stronger and overrides my own desires.

That doesn't mean that I get to stop trying! I am still responsible for doing my best to train them. He uses me in their lives and the lives of others. But it does mean a thought and attitude shift as I go about my day. I can look around for the opportunities God has placed before me and submit my will to His larger plan each and every day.

I think that the Lord is trying to show me that this is how He works in other areas of my children's lives, as well. I need to pour my time and energy into them. I need to train them and discipline them. I need to love them and hug them. But in the end, how they turn out is all God's doing. I can try to take credit myself, or I can give Him the praise and glory for how He's working in my children's lives. And I can learn this now before those teen years!

Best Mommy Ever

This morning when I woke up, my husband looked at me and said, "You're the best mommy." Before you think Greg has suddenly grown sentimental, let me tell you about my night. Basically, I slept on a crib mattress, with an infant, in a room full of vomiting children. If you're squeamish, stop reading now! Only experienced mothers need continue!

Yesterday Quinlan fell asleep on the couch after lunch. Yup, he had a fever. Normally, I love it when my kids have a fever- it brings their energy levels down to within range of most other kids. :) After dinner they all started complaining about stomach aches. I thought they were just trying to get out of working. I even found Zachary in his bed instead of cleaning up the toys covering the hallway. Well, we were working, when suddenly Veronica starts vomiting. (Why is it always the two year old? They can't even pee in the potty chair, how can I expect them to vomit there?) Thankfully, she was sitting on a huge plastic road, so we were able to throw that in the tub and clean it off. Afterwards she seemed fine. Then she vomited again. This time I carried her (leaving a trail) to the bathroom (thankfully we missed Eleanor). Of course, by the time we got there, she was done! So we just decided to put everyone to bed early. You guessed it, she vomited all over her bed. So I brought her down on the couch where she vomited twice more. We decided that she and I would stay down here so I could take care of her, and Greg could get some sleep. When he went in to check on the boys, Greg discovered that Zachary had vomited all over himself. Several times, apparently. So the activity level in our house around eleven last night, was pretty intense as we showered Zachary, stripped his bed, started laundry, and moved Veronica upstairs. We pulled the crib mattress on to the floor in their room, and that's where I "slept." Veronica vomited a few more times, Zachary vomited again. To complicate all of this, Eleanor woke up at midnight, and Greg brought her in to me. She then proceeded to wake up every two hours all night long. I think I was up ten times, not counting the times I didn't get out of bed- I just heard kids moving around and got nervous it was going to start again. Everyone woke up a little before seven, and the kids have had diarrhea today. You know what your night was like when you're thinking of diarrhea as an "improvement!"

So, if I didn't earn the "best mommy ever" award last night, I don't think I even want to know what I have to do to get it!