Growing Up Is Hard To Do (For Mama)

When I had smaller children, and only smaller children, people would look at me, half smile and say something like, "enjoy this time, they grow up so fast." I appreciate the gentleness in the little old ladies voices, the urgency to make the most of where we were at, I heard the hint of regret...but that didn't keep me from wanting to punch them.

And then it happened. My baby grew up.

We went from this...squalling child who smelled perpetually like sour milk...

To this...a grinning eleven year old who smells perpetually like stinky boy...

I blinked.

He's still a goofy, wild, childish boy who sneaks ice cream. But there are glimpses of the mature, responsible man he's becoming.

A couple of weeks ago he and I spent a week at Boy Scout Camp. It was a beautiful week. I learned a lot about knot tying and fire making...he did, too :) One activity he participated in was the Penguin Club. they met at the lake at 6 AM, and got in up to their shoulders for fifteen minutes. Doing that four out of the five days meant you earned a patch. None of the other boys went with him, so I got the pleasure of calling into his tent at 5:30, and walking him down to the lake. It wasn't too bad. We got to experience great mornings like this one. Yes, it was cold. Yes, that's the moon. But he did it. He got up at the sound of my voice, got himself ready for the day and made the plunge into the chilly lake for four straight days.

But I wasn't sure about that last day. The night before we had a late night and just when he was getting ready to head to his tent (about 10:45) they pulled out the s'mores. So back he came. I reminded him of the penguin club, told him if he wouldn't wake up when I called for him, it would not be my fault he didn't make it to his fourth day. And then I said no more. "This will be a learning experience," I thought. And I was the one who learned just who grown up and sweet my baby boy had become. He ate his s'more, I was chatting with other parents/leaders and he quietly came up beside me. "Mama, I'm going to bed now. This is for you." And he handed me one of the rectangles from his s'more. He had saved it to share with me. I got a little teary eyed.

There are days I wonder about this job we're doing as parents. Days I blow it and lose my temper, days I just don't care if they play on the ipad or watch movies all day. Days that I feel like we're doing everything wrong and screwing these kids up.

And then there are days that I believe that God is in control. That He loves them more than I do and will do anything for them. Days that I truly believe that because of Him and His love and grace they are firmly in His hand and will turn out ok. Days like the above that give me hope for the future and show me that they're already turning out just fine.

What My Eyes See

I pulled this blog post up yesterday. I posted it on a facebook challenge to post "what my _____ really looks like." I think it's good. All the pinterest and facbook photos of perfect houses, perfect kids, and perfect craft projects make me want to through in the towel and give up before even trying.

So, today I'm sitting here thinking about how nothing has changed in two years. Well, we don't have a school room anymore. We now have a boys' room and a girls' room. The boys are actually pretty good about picking up when they are told to. So all the harping on them for the last nine and ten years has paid off on some level. I mean I was training them to clean up their things.

And a memory surfaced. They had been told to clean up. The floor was covered with laundry (clean and dirty), Legos, K'Nex, and school books. At least that's what I could see when I peeked in. So inspection time comes. (I've learned that this is an important step- for them and me.) I walked into the room and said, "Really!?! This is what you think sparkling clean looks like?!?" They looked at each other, looked at the room, then looked at me. "What? What's wrong with it?" I then proceeded to circle the room pointing out everything that wasn't done to the standard of perfection. My husband walks in. "What? What's wrong with it? It looks pretty good to me?" I almost blew up at him. Pretty good was not what I had in mind. Pretty good was not good enough.

I didn't see what they had done. The progress they have made in how quickly and cheerfully and well done they can do a job. I didn't see that really 90% of the job was done. My eyes were only seeing that which had not been completed. And what they had accomplished had not been recognized.

And them my mind made one of those sudden leaps. The kind where what you're understanding here on the physical plane is paralleled in the spiritual realm. What do I see when I look at them? Do I see the faults and behaviors that could use improvement? Do I circle them pointing out the things that still need work? Or do I see the progress? The 90% that's done well? The effort and character that IS being displayed?

How do I want people to look at me? How do I want to look at myself?

Whether I'm looking at the bedroom, my children, or myself, my eyes will see things. And my heart and mind will interpret them a certain way. We can focus on the things left to do. Or we can focus on the progress that is being made.

Is the standard for myself and my children perfection? Or will I let pretty good be good enough?

Teaching our Kids to be Responsible

A friend asked me if I had any ideas for teaching kids about responsibility. I think she asked me because we have fairly high expectations for our children, and I'm always trying out a new chore chart idea. :) I think she was looking for a list of things that kids are capable of at different ages. But my mind has gone somewhere else with these thoughts of responsibility. But if that's what you're looking for, I'll have a few resources at the end!

To preface all of this, I have five kids. Zachary (8), Quinlan (7), Veronica (5), Eleanor (3), Roselyn (2). We homeschool. That means that they are home all day, making messes. This family only functions when we are all working together. Otherwise I would go insane being responsible for everything. I need to delegate some areas of responsibility to my children. For kids in an away from home school setting, there may be things you would adjust so that you could spend fun family time with them rather than an afternoon full of chores. The principles are the same, the amount of time you spend on something like household tasks would be different than they are for my kids.

Your kids know more than you think they do.
They really do. Even before my kids can talk, they're speaking volumes with their eyes. There little minds are already working out ways that they can throw the blocks across the room instead of putting them in their bucket. Age appropriate tasks and responsibilities may be more and bigger things than you are currently thinking.

Real work challenges kids. It makes them feel valued, important, and part of the family. For example, when our toddlers can walk and carry things at the same time they become responsible for putting their dishes in the dishwasher. Along with this goes a phrase I heard when my oldest was still an infant. This has been the guiding principle for teaching our kids household jobs "The youngest person capable of performing a tasks should be responsible for doing it." From something as simple as putting dishes in the dishwasher for a tot to my seven and eight year old boys having complete responsibility for their own laundry- if they are capable, it's theirs.

And this doesn't just go for household jobs, this also applies to behaviors. My two year old knows she shouldn't throw her toys. That means she needs to accept responsibility for the consequences of her behavior. Whether that's discipline for disobedience, or apologizing when someone gets hit in the head.

Expect great things from them.
This is a continuation of the previous point. Give your kids REAL responsibility. Allow them to feel the consequences (positive and negative) of things you've placed into their realm of responsibility. Allow your four year old to make the mashed potatoes and thank her for it while you're eating dinner. When my boys first took on the full responsibility for their own laundry, I allowed them to run out of underwear (on a day we were staying home).

If you give them a job to do, let them do it their way. And don't follow behind redoing it (In the spirit of full disclosure, I do rearrange the dishes to make sure they are facing the right directions. I do not tidy anyone's clothes that they put away.) which leads us to...

It won't be perfect.
When they are first learning how to do something, it's not going to be done as well as if you were doing it yourself. Accept it. Let it be. Some jobs may need to be done more frequently. For example, cleaning the bathrooms is a daily job in our home, simply because it's not really done very well. I could do the job, do it well, and do it once a week. But I choose to accept the job at the quality that my children are capable of and allow them to clean their bathroom their way. I figure that over the course of a week, every spot will be cleaned at least once or twice :)

Start with the end in mind.
As they learn and grow, expect more. A two year can say "I'm sorry" A three year old can say "I'm sorry for___." And a five year old can say "I'm sorry for ____, will you forgive me?" There's a progression for just about anything you want to grow into your children. How do you want your teenagers and adult children to respond and behave? Start now.

Own your stuff.
"Who was supposed to____?" Is a common question in our house. There's no hiding, the kids need to own up to a job poorly done. Try not to blow up when you see that your kids aren't doing/behaving the way you want them to. Whether it's how well the table was wiped off, or an angry response when wronged...let them feel the weight of it, then help them grow into it.

We also have a "no paybacks" rule in effect. It's important to understand what's not your responsibility. It's not my child's responsibility to make sure his sister receives punishment for a wrong she has committed. He needs to bring that to me and trust that I will take care of it. Later on in life, he'll have plenty of things that He'll need to place in God's hands. Practicing that now, will help my kids out a lot.

I also think that allowing your children time for free play allows them to grow into this. Learning how to take care of conflict is a huge lesson that will be with them forever. 

Practical Help
Montessori- I don't know much about this school of learning, what I do know is that they encourage putting things on kids levels and making things easier for kids all around. For our family it looks like plastic dishes, short coat hooks, baskets and bins (instead of shelves), and vinegar water (instead of chemical sprays)-things that make it easier for them to perform the tasks you're asking of them.

Chore Charts/Reward Systems- There are as many of these as there are families in the world. I would like to caution you that a chore chart isn't going to teach your children responsibility. It will provide accountability as you go, though. You can purchase one, you can make. I recommend Pinterest as a great resource for some inspiration.

Age appropriate-ness- This also is as individual as each family. I would challenge to pray and consider where each child is at. Here's a chart that was pinned on pinterest. And here's a book that I reference yearly to see how we're doing.

Circles or Responsibility- I had all of these things in mind, then this weekend I learned about these circles. Understanding responsibility- those I've taken myself compared to those actually assigned to me by God, is already a huge benefit to my life. I haven't yet read this book, but it comes highly recommended by some folks I really trust and respect.


This is a pretty long post. If you've made it this far, I hope that there's something in here that you can apply to your own family life. And is there anything I've missed? What other components of responsibility should we be building into our children? What are some practical helps that you've found useful?

Loving Other People's Children

So, I'm doing a Bible study with some ladies from my church. Actually, we're reading a book together (based on Titus 2). I try to look up the verses, as well. But, you know. Anyways, after each week I walk away thinking that I'm not done with the conversation. But our last discussion has been with me, especially since I didn't feel like we had gotten through all the practicals.

You see, the title of the chapter was "Loving Your Children" and out of the fifteen or more women who were there, only five of us were moms. So where does that leave everyone else? Looking forward to some nebulous future where they might have children? Some aren't even married, yet. How could they implement this in their lives today? We started talking about it, but by no means did we create a comprehensive list. So, since I've been thinking about it, I've decided to write all my thoughts down. Maybe then I can move on to the next chapter :) Without further ado, my thoughts on loving other people's children. I have other thoughts on helping out a new mom, that I'll post later. And please! Add your thoughts in the comments!

Teach Sunday school. This is a great way to get to know children. You can have a positive influence in their lives by doing this simple job. And it's also a great service to the parents, who tend to take the bulk of the teaching responsibilities.

Have real conversations. Don't just brush kids aside. Look them in the eye, get down on their level, and have a chat. This is hard if you're not comfortable around children, but it gets easier! Kids are just like everyone else- they love to talk about the things that interest them. Ask them what toys they played with today or about what they're learning in school. Have a couple of go-to questions to help you get started until it comes more naturally.

Play with them. Once you start getting to know the kids, they'll seek you out and might start viewing them as their friends. And what do kids do? They play! Little ones (under 5) will play peek a book or chase. Middle ones (elementary ages) like tag and wrestling. Older ones (teens) still like these things too, but they'd rather be "cool" with you.

Watch out for them. Don't let them get away with stuff. If you see a child doing something wrong- call them on it. Bring it to the attention of their parents.

Invite them over. Some things are more interesting when you have children underfoot. Invite some kids over to bake and decorate cookies, or for a fun craft project, or popcorn and a movie. I'm sure the parents will love it, too :)

Babysit. In the same vein, offer to take the kids so mom can have a free afternoon, or the couple can enjoy a date night.

Enjoy them. I found it extremely interesting that the "love" in Titus 2 referring to children is the "phileo" love of befriending them. What an eye opener! So, please, enjoy children. Whether they're yours or not.

The House We Really Live In

It all started with this picture.

I thought about cropping it...or kicking some of the crap out of the way before Greg snapped the photo. But then I decided to just let it be what it really is. There are so many times I'm looking at friends pics and facebook. And do you know what? I'm not looking at their cute kids! Nope. I'm actually looking at the floor in the background and thinking about what a terrible housekeeper I am.

So here's a picture that shows our house in it's real life glory. Today, a friend said that she didn't think our house was messy. Just lived in and loved. I laughed at her. This afternoon I snapped a few pictures to prove her wrong. :) So, here we go. A tour of my house.

This is my entry-way. The beautiful spots on the wall that need to be painted, or really the whole wall that needs to be painted! There are coats on the floor (hey at least they made it to the right area, there's still several hanging out on the couch!) And of course, the obligatory toys on the floor and even the baseball gloves hanging out of the drawers.

And these are the stairs. All of this junk belongs up there. Would you believe that we had this cleared off just two days ago? The basket was overflowing then, too!

At the top of the stairs you'll find my children's bathroom. This isn't too terrible today. I make them clean it every day. There are still dirty clothes in here, toothbrushes scattered everywhere. And a pile of toys are behind the door, as well. You'll walk down the hallway, past the crib that's dismantled, but there's no place to store it. And the toy crumbs (read: broken bits of toys that cling to the walls) and you'll find yourself entering my children's bedroom.

This is another room I make them clean every day. Can you tell? Today the dirty clothes are mixed in with the clean clothes that didn't quite get put away, and the stack of dresses I had laid so carefully across the changing table. Yesterday Roselyn decided she didn't need a nap and climbed up the shelf (spilling everything off) and onto the changing table (throwing everything off). I had enough time to put a few things back, but for the last day I've just been shoving clothes out of my way and sitting on the floor to change her. 

And there's a terrible smell emanating from the beds that are wet on at night...because I can't remember the last time I changed the sheets (I mean really, who has time to change six beds every week?). Books and toys are mixed in here too (although they're not allowed). Will you also believe that I sent them each up and made them clean up their stuff before letting them watch football this afternoon? This is the "cleaned up" version!

Right next door, you'll find the school room. This is the view from the door way. Yeah, you can't really walk in there... All of these tubs have a home on the shelf to your left. Right now, it doesn't even appear that the toys that are IN the tubs are in the right ones. And why would a child ever pick up the tub and put it on the shelf. My kids certainly can't do it without crying for twenty minutes, even though it's about two feet away from where the tub is sitting.

After scooching in a little you can get an even better view of the bed that's not only unmade, but losing it's sheets. Chairs are, of course, meant to be upside down. I didn't dare take a closeup of the desk/table for you. Of course if you threw five dozen sheets of paper, three or four boxes of crayons and a couple dozen pencils on the table and stirred it all up- you'd be half way there. 

And one obligatory photo from my bedroom. We got this shelf so I could keep craft materials away from the kids and in an organized manner. Yeah, if I could get to the shelf over the boxes of other junk, it would be a great system.

So, there you have it. The real house we live in. Please tell me yours looks more like mine then all those beautiful photos on Pinterest.

Raising Little Geeks

I didn't mean to do it, but I don't think we can help it. We're raising little geeks. But how can we do anything but that? Look at us. I blame my husband.

Sure, I was a geek in school- but just your average study to get an A kind of gal. My activities consisted of music and academic clubs. But my husband, now he's a geek. He once studied all day for a final in college and brought a calculus grade up from a D to a B+. (I can only wonder what would have happened if he'd opened his book earlier in the semester!) And when we watch Jeopardy, he knows all the answers. And wonders why no one on the show knows it, too!

So, there's really no hope for our kids.

Dr. Uncle Tim showing
Zachary his own cheek cells.

At first it made me smile. When the boys were 4 and 5 we had watched some Sid the Science Kid about simple machines. At the breakfast table they were discussing whether a fork is an inclined plane or a lever. When they decided to experiment with their eggs, I called it off :)

The small forays into geekiness continued. They love science and exploring and "what if" and I try to let them explore and experiment, even if it's messy. One of the big reasons we homeschool is so that they can do more hands on projects and activities than are generally done in a large classroom setting. Sometimes it's a big experiment, but usually we're observing bees pollinate the flowers, counting the toes on the gecko, or putting cups of water outside to see how long before it freezes. I'm fully convinced that sending my kids out to explore God's world and to interact with it is more important than teaching them to read or memorizing math facts (although we still do that!). But they're starting to surprise me with the levels of understanding that they have. The geekiness is invading their play.

My little paleontologists.

We took a trip to Texas a few weeks ago. We were so close to the ocean, I convinced Greg to take us there for  the morning. The tide was out and the beach was covered with shells. We splashed in the waves and collected shells. Greg showed them the bubbles made by the little sand crabs buried in the sand (semi-geeky, but pretty standard). The real surprise came when one of the kids said, "Mama, we're going to pretend to be paleontologists looking for micro-fossils." I continued to look for pretty shells.

Quinlan playing chess at the
Children's Museum.

It happened again last night. I had to tear the boys away from their game to set the table. In fact, I had to take it from them and put the pieces away because they were so distracted by it. In the amount of time it took me to move the food from the stove to the table, the boys had the chess board set back up and were already four moves into a game. I never thought I would have to tell my kids (ages 6 and 7) that there would be no chess playing at the dinner table.

Don't worry too much about my kids, they still love to play house and cooking show. They love to draw and craft. They love to play football in the hallway. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm raising little geeks.

Do your kids do or say anything that surprises you?

God's Voice

A couple weekends ago, my church had an "olympic" event. The small groups competed against each other in many events. I arrived with my napping girls after things were under way. I really only paid attention to one adult event, and it was the obstacle course. Two teammates were tied together as if in a three-legged race, as well as blindfolded. One teammate shouted directions to them- go left, crawl through the tube, stuff like that. Along the way, they were bombarded with kids with water guns, and a "big kid" with a hose. :)

As I sat at the picnic table (well away from the spraying water), I watched about eight people shouting directions. They were trying hard to get their voices above the crowd. (At church the next day, several men were hoarse!) I wondered what would happen if we did that race as families. The parents shouted directions to the their kids. Would the kids trust and obey? Would they be able to pick their parents' voices out of the crowd?

That's exactly what we're going for with our kids. We want our kids to be able to hear our voices above all the other inputs in their lives. It doesn't take much for other influences to start pulling their attention. Whether it's a friend from church or commercials on tv, we want our voices to be the ones they hear over and above everything else. We want our voices to be the ones that they listen for and know. We want our voices to be the ones they respect, understand, and obey. And I don't want to be hoarse the next day!

This morning I heard a song on the radio. It's called "To Know You" by Casting Crowns. One line in particular speaks on this very thought "To know You is to hear Your voice when You are calling." I can know when I am close to God by how well I can hear His voice. Just like with my kids. When we're at the park, do they come running when I call, or do they ignore me for a few more seconds on the swing? And what's my swing- what am I holding onto and ignoring God for? I need to spend time with my Lord and learn to know His voice. As He's trying to take care of me, it's important that I can hear His voice above all the other voices competing for my attention. If He calls directions to me, I want to hear them. I want to avoid the mud pit and the spraying water. I want to follow His voice and win the race. And I don't think I want to know what it feels like to have the Lord shouting at me!

Last week we had a huge crack of thunder and my two year old was out of bed and started crying. My husband went up to console her but also told her that was God saying "get back in bed!" Is that what it would be like to have the Lord shout at me? I'd much rather be so attuned to His voice that I can hear Him whisper. That I can see Him smiling at me in the softness of a rainbow, that I can hear Him in the gentle breeze through the trees, that I can see His hand as my husband holds mine, that I can hear Him in my children's laughter.

I think that knowing God and hearing His voice is about so much more than the "big things." God is in the little things that are the dailyness of our life. And the more that we get to know Him, the more we WANT to know Him. It actually reminds me of another song that struck me today. One line says "It's more like falling in love than something to believe in." (But that's a story for another day.) Knowing God is and adventure. It's about understanding the eternal from the temporary, it's about sharing His love with the world, it's about trusting God, it's about hearing His voice.

Check out Casting Crown's website for the lyrics to this song, as well as the Scripture that inspired every line of the song. I couldn't find an official version of the song, but I did find this one on You Tube that will allow you to hear it for yourself. I encourage you to grab a Bible and search out the verses for more about what God says about this subject.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 / 2 Corinthians 4:18 / 2 Corinthians 5:11-12 / Ephesians 4:20-24 / Philippians 3 / Philippians 4:12-13

Merry Christmas

Our Christmas photo cards arrived the day before Thanksgiving. It's not that I'm that organized, it's that I found a great deal to take advantage of to motivate us to get that photo taken! So, I worked on our letter and had it ready to go a week later. Did it get printed then? nope. I e-mailed it to absolutely everyone in my contacts list a week ago (and cut down on the number that need to be printed and mailed). Did it get printed then? nope. I finished addressing and stamping all the envelopes this weekend. Did it get printed then? nope. So, here we are, six hours away from having a baby. Is it printed yet? nope. Finding time to get to a color printer amidst the cleaning and prepping for normal life is crazy enough. Add Christmas to the mix and it takes me a little longer each year. Add getting ready for baby #5 to all of that chaos and I've decided to give up! I'm going to include a little printed note with the link to this site. Why didn't I think of this three weeks ago? Oh well. Next year, I'll probably print it right on the photo cards! The December chaos will be a little lighter in the future, but we also have a birthday to celebrate from now on, too. Without further ado, here is the much anticipated Hendrickson family Christmas letter. May it make you smile. :)

Snow Day(s) in a Homeschool

Does anyone know what day it is? This snow and the subsequent schedule changes has me all messed up. I wouldn't have thought that a snow day would affect our homeschool that much, but for some reason it did! Just the feel of being snowed in, having Daddy home in the middle of the week, and feeling like it was a day to just sit around in jammies and blankies with hot drinks made for a fairly non-productive week school-wise. So, how did we fare?

Monday we spent SIX HOURS cleaning our house. And that was just general stuff- no closets or desk piles were touched! Tuesday was spent e-mailing road conditions to Daddy at work. The boys attempted to scoop the driveway, but the garden shovel wasn't getting the job done. These pics are from then, about halfway through the official snow storm. And Eleanor thought I'd let her out, too! We had Daddy home on Wednesday, so it felt like a Saturday. Unfortunately, we had some sick kids. They felt fine by mid morning, but I spent most of the day disinfecting bathrooms. We made some cookies, too. On Thursday, I thought we should get back to our school routine, but by then the school/toy room was a disaster so the kids spent the day attempting to clean it up. I also ordered some new things online that I think will help keep me on track and consistent in the spring. I'm excited about my new books, and hope they get here before Christmas. Today will probably be a day devoted to organizing some games and crafts, and reading some library books. I also get to go grocery shopping tonight (without kids). I'm so excited to get out of the house that I'm hoping it takes a couple hours!

What I did realize this week is that when one is homeschooling we can take hits like crazy weeks and keep on going. Public schools were out for THREE DAYS, and I'm sure everyone thinks those kids will turn out fine. Even though we didn't sit down with our books and I didn't get to cross things off of my school list, my kids were still learning and growing. They've watched their movie on Planets twice this week and have looked through the huge stack of library books at least that many times, as well. Zachary instigated his own experiment about planet rotation after seeing flashlights and balls as a demo in one of those books. We looked through recipes and the boys had to do some simple reading. We doubled one of the recipes and I was amazed at how well the boys did. It could have been a great lesson in fractions, but I didn't think of that at the time. And, as always, my kids are learning about diligence, orderliness, kindness, obedience, and many other characteristics every day.

It would be so easy to look back on this week and feel defeated. We didn't crack even one school book open even one time. I have a huge list of really fun projects that we could do for our planets unit and another one of Christmas crafts that didn't even get looked at. Instead, I will choose to look back on this week and see how our homeschool is such a blessing. This is what I want for our kids. I want them to go through life looking at each and every day as an opportunity to learn and grow, regardless of what's on the schedule or whether they have a structured lesson plan to follow. (And it doesn't seem to matter if our hair stays in it's ponytail, or if we even have pants on!)

So, how did you spend your snow day(s)?

Crayon + Dryer = One Big Mess

What a crazy morning. I woke up with good intentions. Made my to-do list and filled in a schedule. At breakfast the kids were all on board with getting a few things done so we could make a trip to the library and the store. Then we went upstairs and I started unloading the dryer. What's this? Red stuff all over the laundry! A crayon went through the wash! Now the inside of my dryer is pink and a whole load of clothes is pink and red spotted. There went my plans for the day!

I spent some time this morning inside my dryer with a Magic Eraser. I got most of it out. I'm trying a concoction I found on this website http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf001203.tip.html to get the crayon out of the clothes. Hopefully, everything will turn out well. Life with my kids is never boring!

Update: The "recipe" I used got all the pink tinge out of the clothes, and faded most of the spots after soaking for a day. However, some of the worst spots (mostly on white parts) are still there. Now we're down to a hand full of ruined clothes instead of a whole load!

They've played a lot more today than they usually do because of this unexpected turn. Here's one funny story. I'm not sure what they were playing- maybe zoo keeper or some such thing (at least I hope so!)

Veronica- I have to go potty.

Zachary- You can just go in there. (as I bonk my head on the top of the dryer)

Veronica- No, I have to go for real.

Zachary- Well, let's see, if you have to go for real you can...

Mama- If she has to go for real, she can go in the potty chair!

Zachary- Oh yeah.

Affirming My Priorities

This morning I woke up and took a look at the huge to do list I had compiled last night. It's actually enough for us to get done in a whole week, but somehow I thought that we could accomplish it all in one day-today! Yesterday's to do list got scrapped when I decided to rearrange the living room (why do I always do that when I'm six months pregnant?) My patience was gone most of the day as the kids' energy for the project fizzled away rather quickly.

At breakfast we talked about what we're doing today, and of course the whining and complaining has already started. I sent them all upstairs to finish their morning routine and get ready to start the school day. I sat down with my cup of coffee and skimmed a few blogs. I ran across this article, that I too have received in an e-mail forward. I can not credit the original source, but read it again this morning here.

It's a reminder to all of us that the work we do as moms may not be the most glamorous, we may never see the finished product. My role as a mom is a sacrificial one that garners praise from no man. But my God sees. He sees, He approves, He loves. My day has been re-focused. I have an eternal perspective back in my heart and mind. My little ones will get a Mama who still has a to do list, but whose focus and energy is set upon building up their little hearts and minds to love the Lord and love each other.

And since I know I'm not the only Mommy out there who needs a little lift today, here's the article for your enjoyment:

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; "The Invisible Mom."

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, and she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down
at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

Encouragement for a Young Mom's Heart

I sat around a table with some new friends this past Thursday. Yup, that's right, it was our first MOPS meeting of the year. My group is a great group of ladies I'm really looking forward to getting to know.

MOPS has been such an encouragement to me through these early stages of mothering. When I was a mommy with a brand new baby, I had the cleanest house ever and I was desperate for adult interaction. When I had my second baby, the first was only 18 mos old. I cried a lot during that stage, and had wonderful moms surrounding me offering help and encouragement. Even though I have "lots" of kids, it's getting easier as they get older and can take some responsibility for themselves. I have had the opportunity to serve my MOPS group and help make it a place of support and encouragement for other moms.

This first meeting is always a great one. We get to hear from our Mentor Mom and meet our groups. It's always a refreshing meeting and sets a great tone for our year together. She posed a question to our tables that has had me thinking for a couple of days. "What encourages you in your mothering?"

We had many answers at our table, including the things that I mentioned above about my earliest experiences as a mom. But as I was thinking about it, I realized that now that my kids are "older" (the oldest is six!) there's a new encouragement. It comes from watching my children do what I've trained them to do. To take responsibility for themselves and others around them, to choose the right thing whether I'm watching or not. Now, don't read too much into this, they are still rambunctious little kids...but occaissionally one of them will display the kind of character we desire to be built into their lives and it helps me to see that we aren't completely failing at this paraenting thing.

Right now, the kids and I are visiting family in Minnesota. We're a big enough family now, that we're staying at a hotel. Our first morning here, the kids were so excited to be able to choose their own breakfast from the assortment laid out before them. Things that we don't eat at home- like fruit loops and donuts! My kids were doing a great job sitting at the table, not screaming or running around. I was pleased. Especially because other guests were using the breakfast room at the same time as us! One of the gentlemen said something to me as he left, and it made my heart smile the rest of the day. He simply turned to us on his way out and said, "You're doing a great job, mom."

Being a mom is a job that doesn't get a lot of praise. At least not until your kids have kids and they realize all that went into it! When somebody, even a stranger, acknowledges the hard work and labor that I am doing as a mother, my soul is rejuvinated. I was reminded of a time in Hobby Lobby when a similar instance occured- three years ago! Well, really this was when my boys had been misbehaving, and tipped over the cart with their baby sister in it. Instead of yelling and condeming, the Lord helped me talk calmly to them as I comforted the baby. Afterwards, a lady came up and told me that she appreciated how I handled the situation- so different than what she had typically seen from mothers in stores. I was encouraged by her comments to continue striving for the right attitude when speaking to my children. Not only does it produce the proper results in our family, but it's a great witness to others around us.

So, next time you see a young mom, take a moment and share with her a word of encouragement. It hardly takes any of your own time, and will give her the fortitude to continue on through the many challenges that will face her that day. And it might even bring a smile to her heart next week or next year.

Meals on a Real Budget

Last night at dinner I looked at our fully laden table and did a quick calculation. The cost of our meal (for our family of six) was $2. Granted, some of the items we had recieved for free, but if we had paid for them, the cost of the meal may have reached $4. It always frustrates me when I look at cookbooks or search recipes online because their meals on a budget and my meals on the budget are not the same!

Our groceries budget for two adults and four children is $175/month. I hear about folks struggling to make it on triple that amount for a similar sized family! Again, some of our food we recieve for free- about $50/month worth. Adding that together brings our monthly total to $225.

How do we do it? I'm not really sure. I don't coupon all that much, my kids don't complain of being hungry all the time, and we even eat meat every night. I've come to the conclusion that it may be time to start sharing some of our life in this area with the world at large. Maybe some of you have some cheap meal ideas that we would appreciate trying out. Let me know what they are! For now, here's the menu from our meal last night, including approximate retail prices:

Scrambled Eggs (1 doz eggs @ .75)

Turkey Sausage, browned (1 lb, on sale @ 1.00)

Shredded Cheese (.25 lb, @ .75)

Cherry Tomatoes (garden= free!)

English muffins (from discount store 1/2 pkg @ .50)

Juice (1 can @ 1.00)

Corn Bread (1/2 pan leftovers about .50)

Apple Sauce (canned from last year= free)

Ending Thoughts

It's the last day of August, and what a summer it's been. Trips to the zoo, a baseball game, and lots of time at parks. The kids spent two weeks and their grandparents' house while Greg and I went to Asia. (Our return home party was planned by Zachary, and I still haven't managed to take down the "welcome home" sign!) But now the weather is already cooling off- we're wearing sweatshirts today! This past weekend we visited the State Fair and today we added the rest of our curriculum to our school day. Summer is at an end.

We still have time for a couple more trips to the zoo, and time with friends at the park, but we will soon be visiting the pumpkin patch, and planning for the holidays. Football season is upon us, and we have a new toddler to teach "touchdown!" to. We can take nature walks and visit the observatory. And of course, we have a new baby to prepare for.

As I make my plans and schedules for this fall, I am overwhelmed at the number of choices we already need to make as a family. There are many good things to do, but what is going to be the best for my family and our life goals? Will the things we choose be a benefit and a blessing to their lives? We pray that each of the children will have understand that their relationship with the Lord is the most important thing to cultivate in their life. Are we modeling that for them? Is Christ the center of my life in word and deed?

As I put structure to our days, it's so easy to focus on the children and what they need to be learning and growing in. I am finding it very difficult this year to spend my own time at the foot of the cross, basking in the holiness of my Savior. But that's what I need to be doing. For my own soul's nourishment, and my personal sanity, as well as for my children's benefit of learning from my example. I need to schedule this time, and it needs to be lengthy. If my husband only wanted to spend five minutes with me twice a day I would get pretty upset with him. I need to remember that my relationship with the Lord will take time and effort on my behalf. He has already done the work! He is waiting for me to turn to Him- to run to Him- and immerse myself in His glorious presence. He will transform me in to the kind of woman, wife, and mother I have the greatest desire to be. He will do that work in my life, He will make me whole and holy. He will do all of that, and more than I can ask for or imagine.

So, why am I still sitting here? I have a date with the King!

the game

Last week we went to the Saltdogs game. They're the Lincoln minor league baseball team. Our friend Gene was doing an exhibition and he got paid with free tickets. We got great seats, and only paid for one of our tickets! It was also $1 hot dog night, so we even enjoyed some food from the concession stand.

It was great to teach our kids game etiquette- sit instead of stand, no yelling, don't bonk the head in front of you, etc. They even paid a little bit of attention to the game. But mostly we were there to see Gene and Mabel. They did great!

Still Thankful

I've been meaning to post about Thanksgiving. Can you believe it's been a week already? We've so quickly moved from a time of being thankful into a season of being greedy. I'm trying to hold onto the spirit of thankfulness a little bit longer this year. We still don't have our tree, yet, so it's a little easier not to get sucked in!

We had a wonderful time Wednesday night with our homegroup. Even with our guests the kids still outnumbered the adults (18 kids 16 adults). One unique thing about our group this year was the international flavor. Moh Yin (from Malaysia) brought a new friend from China. There were also eight of the nine Egyptian neighbors. When we got home (around ten) we spent some time on the computer showing Zachary a map of the world and where we people were from. We compared everything to how long it took to drive to Aunt Donna's house (Nevada). Did you know that it would take roughly two weeks to drive to Egypt from Nebraska? I wonder if anyone's tried it?

The definite hightlight of the festivities were when our new friends sang traditional songs from their countries. I, of course, drew a mental block and could not think of a single song! Even if I could, I'm not sure my kids would have known any. I mean really, how often do we sing "Johnny Appleseed" or the like?

We spent Thanksgiving in Blair. I was really worried about not being able to eat any dairy (Eleanor has an intolerance). Can you name a Thanksgiving dish without butter or cream cheese? The hardest part by far was passing on Paula's french silk pie. (I attempted to make one with margarine for Greg's birthday- that doesn't work.) We had a wonderful time with friends and family. We watched a slideshow of a honeymoon in New Zealand- it made us want a digital SLR and new passports!

The rest of the weekend was spent lounging around and watching football. We made an advent wreath and are preparing our hearts for the celebration of Christ's birth.